I’ll be out at SXSW Interactive speaking on a Black Twitter panel (yeah, really, you read that right). And because of Complex Magazine and Noisey Music believing in me as a writer and having an amazing, understanding wife, I’ll return for the music portion.
Basically, I leave work early on March 6 to take a flight to Austin, miss work March 7th, and be in Austin until the 9th. I’ll then return a few days later (March 12) and stay until March 16, missing 3 days of work.
That’s 4.5 days I’m taking off work, plus the following Monday I’m taking off to regain my composure. 5.5 days I’m taking off from my job to pursue some pipe dream/hobby of writing.
For whatever reason, better opportunities have fallen into my lap. I started with Rap Genius in 2009 explaining lyrics and writing thinkpieces for free, which led me to Marc of MJF taking a chance on me to write more frequently about music (and without Marc, there is no Bauce Sauce), which led to a friend of his Ernest Baker taking a chance on me writing for Complex and eventually led to me at SXSW 2013 and writing about Future, which led me to Noisey and more.
I don’t know why I have the platform/opportunities I do, but i do. Instead of sending “sorry I robbed you bro” tweets to more deserving writers, I’ve embraced it. I have an ability/voice/talent that is a commodity, and I wield it as best I can. This is only a recent realization.
For the past few months, I’ve had this crippling self-doubt that revolves around “writing is a hobby, and look at all these people around you doing it that are better than you who have been doing it longer.” It’s easy to fall into that trap of devaluing yourself. Way too easy.
It may be the bourbon and monster energy talking for me but tonight I finally had a breakthrough of realizing that I am capable of being the best, and believing in myself.
I feel a spark and intrinsic drive to do the best I can with writing/tweeting, that I simply don’t feel at my normal job (that I am very good at). Who knows how long this duality plays out, perhaps forever. Perhaps you see 50 year old father of 18 Bauce Sauce at Coachella writing articles for $100 a pop to pay for his kids’ college tuition. Who knows. But I simply can’t continue to actively devalue or ignore my talent/worth.
I’m scared and nervous with the opportunities I have in the near future, but if enough people take a chance on you, it’s a sign.
Here’s to all you dreamchasers and toe-dippers out there. Let’s drop the doubt and thrive.
PS: I’m going to own SXSW content.
PPS: That PS is a really embarrassing sentence to have to type, but it’s true.
PPPS: I felt a modicum of happiness today, and that’s a drastic improvement from the months prior. :)