Hands up. Now hands down.
Hands up. Now hands down.
All four of Sinbad’s comedy specials are on Spotify. I compiled them into one playlist.
My wife had a miscarriage.
Tears swell just typing that sentence.
Really, I’d love to say “my wife and I had a miscarriage” but that’s a lie. She is the one who is having a “D&C” (dilation and curettage) right now. As our 20 month old daughter’s favorite book character, Fancy Nancy, might say “that’s a fancy way of saying they are vacuuming out a lifeless fetus and scraping all remnants of its existence from a woman’s uterus.”
I’m sitting in a waiting room on a nice leather sofa typing a fucking essay into a Tumblr app on my phone because I think it’ll help and it keeps my head down so no one sees the dew camping in the corner of my eyes. I can do nothing.
If you bottled the tears we shed earlier today, they wouldn’t make it through a TSA security check-in. I’m hurting and I don’t know what to do.
We saw the heartbeat two weeks ago. Today we saw nothing.
We saw our future child two weeks ago. Today we saw a blob. A blob that for some reason causes me to collapse into sobbing fits if I even think about it. It’s like the million life experiences our child was robbed of was shoved down my throat. That’s what I think that knot in my stomach is. Oh, how dense it sits, unwavering in its commitment to its cause.
Is it a blessing it happened now at 8 weeks and not at 8 months? Yes.
Have other people gone through this same thing? Yes. Have they gone through worse? Absolutely.
Sweet. Awesome. Great. Cool.
That doesn’t ease the pain. That doesn’t ease my pain. That doesn’t ease my wife’s pain.
I feel helpless as a father and as a husband that I can’t do anything but say “its okay. It’s gonna be okay. We’ll get over this. It’s not your fault. its okay. It’s gonna be okay. We’ll get over this. It’s not your fault.” I feel helpless that I can’t shoulder this burden more.
My wife is a wonderful wife. She is a fantastic mother. She is an amazing woman. What hurts the most is that our would-be child will never get to meet her. That’s the real tragedy. That another life won’t get to feel the encompassing and powerful love of my wife.
I wish I could do more. But all I can do is be here for her, by her side, telling her “its okay. It’s gonna be okay. We’ll get over this. It’s not your fault.” And I’ll do that. Ill do that until that pang in our hearts dissipates. Ill do that until the knot in my stomach passes. Ill do that until we’ve gotten past it.
I’ll do what I can, whatever it is.
Life is a blessing that we don’t appreciate until we are forced to see its possible to be without it. Be happy you are here. Be happy everyone around you is here. Do whatever it is to bring them joy. No telling when their presence might be replaced with an irreplaceable void.
They just called me. I gotta go. She’s out out of surgery.
PS Typing a fucking essay into my Tumblr app didn’t help at all but maybe it helps someone else.
Ten years after from their last major record, Speakerboxxx/The Love Below, we trace Big Boi and Andre 3000’s path from Southern vanguards to the most universally beloved rappers in the world with a career-spanning essay followed by separate pieces on each of their six albums.
I wrote a short piece about Stankonia for this.
Love. Love. Love. They didn’t sell Big Boi short. Even mentioned his Kate Bush obsession. Best rap group ever. EVER
This article’s so good I’m not even finished and I’m gonna cry
Fixed the link all the tracks should be downloadable.
as per @mrbillding ‘s request, I made a playlist to rob college kids to.
1. Smif-N-Wessun - Timz N Hood Chek
2. Biggie - Gimme the Loot
3. Lil Kim - Spend A Little Doe
4. 50 Cent - How To Rob
5. Freddie Gibbs - Rob Me A Nigga f. Alley Boy
6. Gunplay - Food Chain
7. Gucci Mane - Choppers f. Waka & OG Boo
8. Gunplay - Stay Schemin Freestyle
9. Gucci Mane - Jack Boyz
10. 50 Cent - Blood Hound f. Young Buck
11. 50 Cent - I’ll Whip Ya Head Boy
12. Juicy J - Bought Some Guns Yesterday
13. Gunplay - Jumpout
14. Juicy J - This Bitch By My Side
15. Hell Rell - On My Block
16. Gucci Mane - Shooter f. Young Scooter
17. G Unit - My Buddy
p.s. missing from this playlist is Black Moon’s - Enta Da Stage album in its entirety.
Lil B’s entire NYU Lecture is on Spotify. Rejoice! (Starts at 5:00 mark)