Bauce Sauce

Shhhhhh.... not while I'm pouring.

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

(Source: Spotify)

Make Dope Stuff and Dope Stuff Will Happen

I’m currently in downtown Nashville at a very nice hotel that I have no business being in. I’m also a bit intoxicated but that’s just truth juice, right?

I don’t say that as a brag, but as a baseline for where I’m at right now.

When I started writing silly Rap Genius blog posts for free (my first online post was this Lil B article) five years ago I had no idea that it would lead to my present situation.

I wrote for Rap Genius and annotated for free, then they paid me, then Marc from Mostly Junkfood and I hit it off because of a sentence that included “dabbled in amateur cum shots.” From there I started writing for MJF, then through Marc Ernest Baker got me writing for Complex then after my defining Crying at Future’s Fader Performance essay Drew from Noisey invited me to freelance for them.

I never sought out opportunities, I was given them, perhaps mistakenly but whatever. When an article is published and has my name attached to it that means something. There are expectations and assumptions that comes with that, but that’s ultimately controlled by me.

Make dope stuff, and people will expect dope stuff from you.

I’m in my second month of a contract with Complex to create video content for them, and man… I still don’t feel I deserve it. I’ll fly to NYC every month and get to create dope stuff with dope people who also make dope stuff. It doesn’t feel real. This is what I’ve always wanted but wasn’t sure how to achieve.

It happened because I found something I loved doing, and I kept doing it and doing it and doing it until people noticed.

And, I did it all while being me.

I’ve met some amazing people along the way, and I’ve lost a ton of sleep but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m able to provide a more stable fiscal situation for my family and I’m happier.

Happiness, however, doesn’t come without doubt.

Do I belong here? There are people way better than me. Should someone else have my spot? Am I really even that good?

I got picked up by a car service from the airport tonight. As I sat in the back of a very nice blacked out Tahoe I just looked out the window with incredulity. I never expected this. I never sought this out. But it happened. And, it turns out it’s exactly what I wanted, what I ever so desperately needed: to get paid to do what I love.

idk why I needed to write this, but I was drunk and grateful and that’s a beautiful combination. Strive to thrive, my lords. There are opportunities waiting on the horizon, hidden in the shadows and you can’t see them yet because you’re staring into the sun, squinting.

Better days are ahead. Stay persistent and constant in your journey. Make dope stuff and dope stuff will happen, I promise.

Life Hack: Don’t Diss Lil Durk

I wrote this and pitched it to a place but then they decided not to publish it because they realized that it was not good for their personal healths to be associated with this listsicle.

The purpose of a life hack is to increase the quality of life. Because [Redacted] cares about our readers, we present to you this life hack: Don’t Diss Lil Durk. This is perhaps the ultimate life hack because it will help you stay alive. After being dissed by Lil Durk, Mr. Lime in the Coconut, Tyga, was utterly aghast and, unwisely decided to respond. Always the opportunist, The Game decided to gasp at relevancy and help Tyga out by hopping on the “ChiRaq Remix,” while very clearly letting the world know that he has zero idea who Lil Durk is. (Editor’s Note: Lil Durk may very well be Dirk Nowitzki in an elaborate Mrs. Doubtfire scheme.)

With the beef currently only existing in audio form, we can almost guarantee that someone is going to be shot. In fact, we’d go so far as to say that everyone may be getting shot. We are not saying that Lil Durk or his cohorts are going to shoot anyone. That would be irresponsible to our own lives to suggest that because as far as I know they have never done anything illegal, but… accidents happen. Coincidences occur. People get shot for no reason, whether rhyme is involved or not. We’ve put together a list of people who will probably accidentally be shot in the coming weeks. Let this be a lesson to you all.

Tyga

T-Raww is definitely going to get shot. You can’t diss Lil Durk and not end up in a freak accident where you fall on some bullets. To be honest, we aren’t sure what would possess Tyga to do this. He was on an MTV show called Bustas and Lil Durk was not. Also, the fact that he didn’t call his diss “ChiRaq City” proves he is way over his head here. On “Believe Me,” Drake raps “YMCMB we’re waiting for anyone to try us.” The ad lib after that line is Drake faintly saying “Except Lil Durk.” Godspeed Tyga.

The Game

The Game decided he needed to hop on a song and diss an upstanding, law-abiding citizen like Lil Durk while saying he’s cool with other Chicago artists. Bold strategy, but one that ultimate seals his fate of definitely getting shot. The Game has his own beef to worry about with 40 Glocc parading The Game’s children and baby mama all over Instagram and being wild disrespectful. One beef at a time, Jayceon. You spread yourself too thin, and you can’t effectively shoot people because you have to worry about other people shooting you that aren’t the people who you are trying to shoot.

The Girl Who Says “Hell Nah” At The End of “ChiRaq to LA”

Whether she was unaware of what her sound byte would be used for, coerced or a willing participant, it is irrelevant. Her voice is on this song. Without a doubt, she is getting shot. RIP The Girl Who Says “Hell Nah” At The End of “ChiRaq to LA.”

40 Glocc

40 Glocc is the reason The Game was feeling so aggro in the first place. He is the instigator to The Game’s insertion into this beef. Because of this, he is getting shot for sure.

Inventors of SoundCloud

They created a platform/site that allowed Tyga and The Game to host their Lil Durk song on. They greased the wheels. Their tangential connection does not absolve them from being shot. This is a lesson to all you web entrepreneurs. Sometimes you create a real cool product that won’t get you shot and sometimes you create a real cool product that gets you shot. Try your best to create a real cool product that won’t get you shot. This axiom was my biggest takeaway from my MBA program.

The 340,700 People Who Listened To “ChiRaq to LA” on Soundcloud

The inventors of SoundCloud foolishly include play count metrics for every song. All a potential shooter would have to do is FOI the IP addresses of everyone who listened and get their addresses with minimal effort. If you were one of these people, your best bet is to smash your computer and move to Mongolia. That won’t put you in the clear, but it will give you an extra two years of not being shot, as it will be tougher to track you down while having to ride on the back of oxen. An incognito window is not digital Teflon.

Travie McCoy

Travie McCoy is Tyga’s cousin, and the reason he exists in the music industry. Travie McCoy is our generation’s Hitler’s father.

Gym Class Heroes

Sucks they had to be connected to Travie McCoy. Enjoy being shot.

Gym class heroes

Any kid that hits a game-winning three during a pick-up basketball game or robs a kickball homerun by leaping over the fence or makes an unbelievable flag capture to save a touchdown is getting shot. If there is one thing that people who shoot people do not possess it is discernment. Gym Class Heroes and gym class heroes are the same people in their book. Nerds, you have nothing to worry about. Jocks, congratulations on getting clapped up.

Bruno Mars

He has made more than one song with Travie McCoy. I have no qualms about him being on the receiving end of an accurate #GRRATATA. His bullet wounds are well-deserved; I pray he catches a literal grenade.

[Redacted]’s Offices

For publishing this article, we fully expect, and embrace, being shot. Not only will it give our publication more credibility, but we all need new computers anyways, so if anything, the people who shoot us— that are definitely not either Lil Durk or his people— are doing us a favor.

Me

I have to assume that OTF have Google Alerts for their names and their enemies’ names. I’m risking my own life writing this article because it increases my chances that Lil Durk learns that I exist. That, my friends, is problematic. I am risking my life to save the masses. I am the Millennial Ghandi.

On celebrity culture:

"It was an atmosphere from which I instantly wanted to retreat. I detested the superficial elevation and commoditization of it all. Juxtaposed with the grotesque self-involvement it would sometimes draw out of me. Being a faceless member of a mob I soon realized was far more comforting than teetering on a brittle pedestal one inch off the ground. The exclusion and subtle differentiation that comes with even a rather diluted form of celebrity that I had embarrasses me. But what shook me as most odd… celebrity is seen as by a huge amount of people as the pinnacle of society, of success. It is revered almost religiously— both the institution and its quickly growing member base. These days the apotheosis of celebrity is not just confined to the worship of movie idols, pop stars, sports heroes… we have bloody celebrity chefs, authors …comedians… intellectuals… cheesemongers… hat makers."

My only wish is to be appreciated in my entirety. Not “Kevin, you a good rapper,” “you a good singer,” “you dress nice,” but in my entirety as an individual. I’m a caring and compassionate person. When I don’t get that compassion back, it really hurts. I hate to not matter.

tinyhandsman asked: you seem to get angry when other people like things

tumblinerb:

This is such a ridiculous misread of what I do that it makes me want to quit forever. But I get it. I’m dealing with people who have been taught to define themselves by the things they consume. So they interpret any dismissal of something that they’ve enjoyed as a personal attack. And if you think someone is attacking you then yes the natural conclusion would be that this person is angry. At you. For liking something. I can assure you that this not the case. Your taste in things does not define your person and I almost certainly do not care about either.

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They are trying to define me by my taste like they have defined themselves by their own taste. This can be frustrating but even that doesn’t make me angry anymore. More often I just feel sadness.”

On Self-Doubt & SXSW

I’ll be out at SXSW Interactive speaking on a Black Twitter panel (yeah, really, you read that right). And because of Complex Magazine and Noisey Music believing in me as a writer and having an amazing, understanding wife, I’ll return for the music portion.

Basically, I leave work early on March 6 to take a flight to Austin, miss work March 7th, and be in Austin until the 9th. I’ll then return a few days later (March 12) and stay until March 16, missing 3 days of work.

That’s 4.5 days I’m taking off work, plus the following Monday I’m taking off to regain my composure. 5.5 days I’m taking off from my job to pursue some pipe dream/hobby of writing.

For whatever reason, better opportunities have fallen into my lap. I started with Rap Genius in 2009 explaining lyrics and writing thinkpieces for free, which led me to Marc of MJF taking a chance on me to write more frequently about music (and without Marc, there is no Bauce Sauce), which led to a friend of his Ernest Baker taking a chance on me writing for Complex and eventually led to me at SXSW 2013 and writing about Future, which led me to Noisey and more.

I don’t know why I have the platform/opportunities I do, but i do. Instead of sending “sorry I robbed you bro” tweets to more deserving writers, I’ve embraced it. I have an ability/voice/talent that is a commodity, and I wield it as best I can. This is only a recent realization.

For the past few months, I’ve had this crippling self-doubt that revolves around “writing is a hobby, and look at all these people around you doing it that are better than you who have been doing it longer.”  It’s easy to fall into that trap of devaluing yourself. Way too easy.

It may be the bourbon and monster energy talking for me but tonight I finally had a breakthrough of realizing that I am capable of being the best, and believing in myself.

I feel a spark and intrinsic drive to do the best I can with writing/tweeting, that I simply don’t feel at my normal job (that I am very good at). Who knows how long this duality plays out, perhaps forever. Perhaps you see 50 year old father of 18 Bauce Sauce at Coachella writing articles for $100 a pop to pay for his kids’ college tuition. Who knows. But I simply can’t continue to actively devalue or ignore my talent/worth.

I’m scared and nervous with the opportunities I have in the near future, but if enough people take a chance on you, it’s a sign.

Here’s to all you dreamchasers and toe-dippers out there. Let’s drop the doubt and thrive. 

PS: I’m going to own SXSW content.

PPS: That PS is a really embarrassing sentence to have to type, but it’s true.

PPPS: I felt a modicum of happiness today, and that’s a drastic improvement from the months prior. :)