Bauce Sauce

Shhhhhh.... not while I'm pouring.

On celebrity culture:

"It was an atmosphere from which I instantly wanted to retreat. I detested the superficial elevation and commoditization of it all. Juxtaposed with the grotesque self-involvement it would sometimes draw out of me. Being a faceless member of a mob I soon realized was far more comforting than teetering on a brittle pedestal one inch off the ground. The exclusion and subtle differentiation that comes with even a rather diluted form of celebrity that I had embarrasses me. But what shook me as most odd… celebrity is seen as by a huge amount of people as the pinnacle of society, of success. It is revered almost religiously— both the institution and its quickly growing member base. These days the apotheosis of celebrity is not just confined to the worship of movie idols, pop stars, sports heroes… we have bloody celebrity chefs, authors …comedians… intellectuals… cheesemongers… hat makers."

My only wish is to be appreciated in my entirety. Not “Kevin, you a good rapper,” “you a good singer,” “you dress nice,” but in my entirety as an individual. I’m a caring and compassionate person. When I don’t get that compassion back, it really hurts. I hate to not matter.

tinyhandsman asked: you seem to get angry when other people like things

tumblinerb:

This is such a ridiculous misread of what I do that it makes me want to quit forever. But I get it. I’m dealing with people who have been taught to define themselves by the things they consume. So they interpret any dismissal of something that they’ve enjoyed as a personal attack. And if you think someone is attacking you then yes the natural conclusion would be that this person is angry. At you. For liking something. I can assure you that this not the case. Your taste in things does not define your person and I almost certainly do not care about either.

Read More

They are trying to define me by my taste like they have defined themselves by their own taste. This can be frustrating but even that doesn’t make me angry anymore. More often I just feel sadness.”

On Self-Doubt & SXSW

I’ll be out at SXSW Interactive speaking on a Black Twitter panel (yeah, really, you read that right). And because of Complex Magazine and Noisey Music believing in me as a writer and having an amazing, understanding wife, I’ll return for the music portion.

Basically, I leave work early on March 6 to take a flight to Austin, miss work March 7th, and be in Austin until the 9th. I’ll then return a few days later (March 12) and stay until March 16, missing 3 days of work.

That’s 4.5 days I’m taking off work, plus the following Monday I’m taking off to regain my composure. 5.5 days I’m taking off from my job to pursue some pipe dream/hobby of writing.

For whatever reason, better opportunities have fallen into my lap. I started with Rap Genius in 2009 explaining lyrics and writing thinkpieces for free, which led me to Marc of MJF taking a chance on me to write more frequently about music (and without Marc, there is no Bauce Sauce), which led to a friend of his Ernest Baker taking a chance on me writing for Complex and eventually led to me at SXSW 2013 and writing about Future, which led me to Noisey and more.

I don’t know why I have the platform/opportunities I do, but i do. Instead of sending “sorry I robbed you bro” tweets to more deserving writers, I’ve embraced it. I have an ability/voice/talent that is a commodity, and I wield it as best I can. This is only a recent realization.

For the past few months, I’ve had this crippling self-doubt that revolves around “writing is a hobby, and look at all these people around you doing it that are better than you who have been doing it longer.”  It’s easy to fall into that trap of devaluing yourself. Way too easy.

It may be the bourbon and monster energy talking for me but tonight I finally had a breakthrough of realizing that I am capable of being the best, and believing in myself.

I feel a spark and intrinsic drive to do the best I can with writing/tweeting, that I simply don’t feel at my normal job (that I am very good at). Who knows how long this duality plays out, perhaps forever. Perhaps you see 50 year old father of 18 Bauce Sauce at Coachella writing articles for $100 a pop to pay for his kids’ college tuition. Who knows. But I simply can’t continue to actively devalue or ignore my talent/worth.

I’m scared and nervous with the opportunities I have in the near future, but if enough people take a chance on you, it’s a sign.

Here’s to all you dreamchasers and toe-dippers out there. Let’s drop the doubt and thrive. 

PS: I’m going to own SXSW content.

PPS: That PS is a really embarrassing sentence to have to type, but it’s true.

PPPS: I felt a modicum of happiness today, and that’s a drastic improvement from the months prior. :)

On Danny Brown

thefreezepop:

So if you missed it earlier in the day Danny Brown is off drugs and fuck you. Yet, we are getting ahead of ourselves a little. This is another person on a long list of people turned into watermelon Bubblicious because they were exploitable to music consumers on some level.
Over the past few…

camkirk:

Young Thug #ThuggerThugger #CamKirkPhotography 

camkirk:

Young Thug #ThuggerThugger #CamKirkPhotography